Do You Wonder?

from by great neck

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Some nights later, while lost in dreams, I awoke to a crying shout through the wall:
“Lost is the soul you once knew, lost is the life we shared!”
I went over to the other room and knocked on the door.
“Are you wondering?”
“Yeah—-can I come in?”
“Are you wondering?”
“I’m coming in—-“ I called out. Once on the scene, I found my neighbor hysterical, on the floor.
“Lost is the heart you once knew, lost is the life we shared.”
I tried to comfort them to no avail.
“Lost is the face you knew, lost in a book you’ve read. Lost is the truth you knew, lost in some other’s bed. Lost is the life we knew, lost in young lovers’ arrogance.”
The situation seemed tense, emotional, and tragic, and I stood there at a loss for words. I hovered for a bit until a folded piece of paper clutched in the observed’s hands came into focus. I tugged on the folded paper and it slipped away from their fingers.
I returned to my room clearly shaken by the one-sided exchange. 

October 6th
My Dearest of Loves,
The evening we spent together was simply the most magical and greatest I have ever known. The brilliance found in the wreckage of what I thought I knew was enlightening, and knowing you is to see the beacon of a lighthouse in the fog of my heart, mind, and soul. I want to learn everything about you and listen intently to each and every story that you have to tell. How comfortable you are (with me), truly struck me. That October night that we spent in your brother’s kitchen, on the floor, will never leave me—-and if I were somehow able to relive those moments for the rest of my life, I would.
It was heartbreaking to see you off in the morning. I wanted you to quit school and come with me, forever—-or perhaps for me to simply just go along with you, and abandon everything that I knew or know. In that somber morning twilight, I waded throughout your brother’s apartment and discovered something about you—-that once before, or perhaps you still are, an artist. As you know, it is your writing that drew me to you, but the sensation of the visuals you create... well, their beauty haunts me, and the entire experience only drew me closer to who you are, and my burning desire to become a part of that. I grew jealous and resentful of everybody that has the opportunity to be close to you, in those moments.
When you told me, last night, of how you’d push and wrestle your childhood crushes down hills, I never wanted to be standing atop one so badly, hoping to see if I would land at the bottom, tangled and dirty with you. Take me to the bottom of a hill.

The intimate letter was heartfelt, and left me longing for these words, feelings, and story in my own life. I felt void, somehow, incomplete—-and reflected on young lovers’ arrogance. I wasn’t sure if the man had never sent it, or at one time recovered it. I read over it a few times and included it with this case file.


from Esoterexorcism, released May 23, 2015
Personnel: Derek Perry, Lonnie Dillinger, Casey Lee, Jeb Barrows, & Sean Stevenson.
Mastered by Doug Van Sloun



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great neck Naples, Florida

dysfunctional anti-recovery backwards walking inward talking shells of people who once thought of themselves as great.

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